Thursday, April 18, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: Changing the Definition of Good
The Purple Tattoo: Changing the Definition of Good: Well, I have completed chemo treatment #7. 5 more to go! I will be honest and say that it's getting harder and harder. I'm getti...
Changing the Definition of Good
Well, I have completed chemo treatment #7. 5 more to go!
I will be honest and say that it's getting harder and harder. I'm getting more tired every time. I have now learned that I just need to give in and let my body rest, which isn't that easy! Mark has been fabulous and while I know it must be frustrating for him to have to do so much more than usual because I just CAN'T, he has done well. He is spending a lot of time with Lucas and that means a lot to me. I don't want Lucas to feel like he is missing out on things because I am sick. Mark has had to take over a lot of housework as well as a lot of parenting. I know this isn't easy on him. He has to worry about Lucas and me and do extra work...no fun being the caretaker. I don't think we often give these people enough credit.
I've had some additional side effects kick in, the most annoying one right now is chemo-induced menopause. This means HOT FLASHES! Oh. My. God. These things are brutal. The come every few hours 24 hours a day. I haven't slept for more than two hours straight in about week. It sucks! I never believed how bad they could really be (lots of women have told me about them) until I experienced one. It is like someone just lit a furnace in the core of my body and it goes right up out the top of my head. It is heat like I have never experienced before. It is being soaked with sweat in less than a minute. I'm wondering now if I am going to have to do this again in another 5-10 years or so when the real thing sets in or if this will be IT...
I have been to see the pulmonologist about my lungs. The coughing can be very debilitating. It exhausts me as it sometimes goes on for an hour or so. The doctor believes the coughing, etc. is from chemo-induced lung damage from the bleomycin. They took me off the bleo after treatment 4 due to my pulmonary function tests. I am now undergoing more tests. Today I had more PFT's and in the next week I will have PET and CT scans. This is good and REALLY scary all at the same time. I am terrified that the PET scan will show that the cancer is not gone, but at the same time I am looking forward to it because the doctor believes it will show just the opposite! Anyways, after the tests are all completed and I go back to the pulmonologist to see what we will do. My options are :
1. Do nothing - give it some time, monitor it and see if it gets better
2. Oral Steroids
3. Bronchoscopy
It could get better, it could stay the same, it could continue to get worse. Not exactly what I consider "good" news, but at least we are looking into it. In the meantime they have given me an inhaler to use throughout the day.
I am also going to go see a gastroenterologist. I won't go into details here...there is such a thing as TMI. We'll just say there is some "damage" here as well. Just know it's another "NO FUN"! LOL
My friend, Kathy, whom I met at chemo is having her last treatment next Wednesday! I am so happy for her! I can't wait to see her ring that bell and walk out the door! I wish her continued healing and good health! I get teary-eyed just thinking about it...I can't wait until the day when we can celebrate being cancer-free together!
All in all I still think I am doing well. I have had to change my definition of "good." It isn't what it once was. Good now means I'm tired but not EXHAUSTED. I'm up and doing things, not stuck in bed. In a few months it will change back to the old kind of "good," but for now it is what it is. I've had a few meltdowns lately...it's tough mentally to admit that I have to slow down and that I can't continue to be "normal." It sucks to admit that I finally feel llike I have cancer!
I have some exciting visitors coming over the next few weeks! The first will be Mark's brother, Randy. He will be coming for Mark's birthday. They are going to drive Lucas over to Miami for his first REAl MLB game (not spring training). Fortunately, his first MLB game will be to see the Cubs. Not at Wrigley...but that day will come soon!
Thank you all for your continued support. The FB posts, emails, cards, gifts all bring a smile to my face. It is amazing the stories I have heard from friends about how their lives or friends and family have been affected by cancer. The things you never know... I am a lucky woman to have so many people thinking of and praying for me. XOXO
I will be honest and say that it's getting harder and harder. I'm getting more tired every time. I have now learned that I just need to give in and let my body rest, which isn't that easy! Mark has been fabulous and while I know it must be frustrating for him to have to do so much more than usual because I just CAN'T, he has done well. He is spending a lot of time with Lucas and that means a lot to me. I don't want Lucas to feel like he is missing out on things because I am sick. Mark has had to take over a lot of housework as well as a lot of parenting. I know this isn't easy on him. He has to worry about Lucas and me and do extra work...no fun being the caretaker. I don't think we often give these people enough credit.
I've had some additional side effects kick in, the most annoying one right now is chemo-induced menopause. This means HOT FLASHES! Oh. My. God. These things are brutal. The come every few hours 24 hours a day. I haven't slept for more than two hours straight in about week. It sucks! I never believed how bad they could really be (lots of women have told me about them) until I experienced one. It is like someone just lit a furnace in the core of my body and it goes right up out the top of my head. It is heat like I have never experienced before. It is being soaked with sweat in less than a minute. I'm wondering now if I am going to have to do this again in another 5-10 years or so when the real thing sets in or if this will be IT...
I have been to see the pulmonologist about my lungs. The coughing can be very debilitating. It exhausts me as it sometimes goes on for an hour or so. The doctor believes the coughing, etc. is from chemo-induced lung damage from the bleomycin. They took me off the bleo after treatment 4 due to my pulmonary function tests. I am now undergoing more tests. Today I had more PFT's and in the next week I will have PET and CT scans. This is good and REALLY scary all at the same time. I am terrified that the PET scan will show that the cancer is not gone, but at the same time I am looking forward to it because the doctor believes it will show just the opposite! Anyways, after the tests are all completed and I go back to the pulmonologist to see what we will do. My options are :
1. Do nothing - give it some time, monitor it and see if it gets better
2. Oral Steroids
3. Bronchoscopy
It could get better, it could stay the same, it could continue to get worse. Not exactly what I consider "good" news, but at least we are looking into it. In the meantime they have given me an inhaler to use throughout the day.
I am also going to go see a gastroenterologist. I won't go into details here...there is such a thing as TMI. We'll just say there is some "damage" here as well. Just know it's another "NO FUN"! LOL
My friend, Kathy, whom I met at chemo is having her last treatment next Wednesday! I am so happy for her! I can't wait to see her ring that bell and walk out the door! I wish her continued healing and good health! I get teary-eyed just thinking about it...I can't wait until the day when we can celebrate being cancer-free together!
All in all I still think I am doing well. I have had to change my definition of "good." It isn't what it once was. Good now means I'm tired but not EXHAUSTED. I'm up and doing things, not stuck in bed. In a few months it will change back to the old kind of "good," but for now it is what it is. I've had a few meltdowns lately...it's tough mentally to admit that I have to slow down and that I can't continue to be "normal." It sucks to admit that I finally feel llike I have cancer!
I have some exciting visitors coming over the next few weeks! The first will be Mark's brother, Randy. He will be coming for Mark's birthday. They are going to drive Lucas over to Miami for his first REAl MLB game (not spring training). Fortunately, his first MLB game will be to see the Cubs. Not at Wrigley...but that day will come soon!
Thank you all for your continued support. The FB posts, emails, cards, gifts all bring a smile to my face. It is amazing the stories I have heard from friends about how their lives or friends and family have been affected by cancer. The things you never know... I am a lucky woman to have so many people thinking of and praying for me. XOXO
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: Halfway There
The Purple Tattoo: Halfway There: Well, today was treatment number 6. I am halfway done with chemotherapy! My fifth treatment was a long one. It started out with news fro...
Halfway There
Well, today was treatment number 6. I am halfway done with chemotherapy!
My fifth treatment was a long one. It started out with news from the doctor that my latest pulmonary function tests show some damage. Due to this he has taken me off one of my chemo drugs, bleomycin. At this point he said the damage outweighs the benefit. It does NOT change his prognosis for my being cancer free at the end of treatment. They may add it back in at a later date. I am glad he is precaucious, but I can't lie...taking the drug out scares me. The cure is ABVD, not AVD! With this damage I have developed "chemo cough" and can definitely feel the difference. No more stairs for me, if I use them I cough for a good hour! Not fun!
After the news about my lungs I went to chemo. For the third treatment in a row I had this strange sensation and started coughing. The nurses feared that my port was leaking so we stopped using it and did the treatment through my arm. I had to go have a dye study done on my port and luckily it proved to be working pefectly! The cough is just my new thing, I guess. Had the port been leaking that would have meant another surgery, so this was very good news.
The weekend after treatement #5 the Davidson's came to visit us. Even in the aftermath of treament I enjoyed them being here, even if I could not fully partcipate! It was good to have our families together!
The two weeks between 5 and 6 were rough. I really only had 1 really good day. That was really frustratin to me. I have had to admit that I am not able to do everything I have been. I have to slow down a little. I have to stop just telling everyone I'm okay when I'm really not. I have to stop pushing myself as hard. I have to take some of the help that my wonderful friends and family are offering. That's hard. I'm a lot more fatigued than I have been with previous treatments and a still experiencing the bone pain. I'm having some other issues which I will call "digestive issues' and will spare you the TMI version. LOL
Vicki has been here the last week! I am so glad to see her. We are all. Lucas is on spring break so she has been taking care of him while Mark and I work. They have had a great time together. She has also helped me a great deal just by fixing dinner and doing some stuff around the house. It has given me a chance to relax a little. We really haven't done anything super exciting...just hanging at home, but it has been a great visit!
Treatment #6 out of 12 was today...I am halfway done with chemo!
Today's treatment was much better. To start off, I am back on Wednedays so I got to sit with my friend, Kathy. This gives me some good company. I also met a gentleman named Frank today, and had a good conversation with him about food and world travel. My mom brought me sandwich from Jersey Mike's for lunch and hung out with us for a little while! My port worked fine. I was out of there by 2:30! I came home and took a very long nap and then tonight we enjoyed a fire on the lanai, roasted marshmellows and made s'mores! It was nice and chilly out and the fire felt good!
Now I'm awake...normal for a chemo night. I think it is from steroids that are in my medcine. So, I'm cactching up on TV and my blog.
I know this entry is about the bad stuff that I've experienced over the last two weeks,but it feels good to vent. The point of this blog is to inform friends and family about how I am doing so I am being honest. I had a few minutes of tear the last week or so just out frustration with my body, but that's okay. Sometims you have got to just get it out... I'm hoping this round will be easier than last, but I can handle it no matter what. I promise myself to ask for more help from this point on and rest a little more when I need it.
The chemo brain has gotten bad...my memory sucks. I forget things mid sentence sometimes! It is driving me crazy!!
Tomorrow I go for my Neulasta shot. This is the shot that helps me produce white blood cells...and causes the stupid bone pain.
Tomorrow would also be my dad's 70th birthday were he still here with us. I can't even imagine.
'night all
My fifth treatment was a long one. It started out with news from the doctor that my latest pulmonary function tests show some damage. Due to this he has taken me off one of my chemo drugs, bleomycin. At this point he said the damage outweighs the benefit. It does NOT change his prognosis for my being cancer free at the end of treatment. They may add it back in at a later date. I am glad he is precaucious, but I can't lie...taking the drug out scares me. The cure is ABVD, not AVD! With this damage I have developed "chemo cough" and can definitely feel the difference. No more stairs for me, if I use them I cough for a good hour! Not fun!
After the news about my lungs I went to chemo. For the third treatment in a row I had this strange sensation and started coughing. The nurses feared that my port was leaking so we stopped using it and did the treatment through my arm. I had to go have a dye study done on my port and luckily it proved to be working pefectly! The cough is just my new thing, I guess. Had the port been leaking that would have meant another surgery, so this was very good news.
The weekend after treatement #5 the Davidson's came to visit us. Even in the aftermath of treament I enjoyed them being here, even if I could not fully partcipate! It was good to have our families together!
The two weeks between 5 and 6 were rough. I really only had 1 really good day. That was really frustratin to me. I have had to admit that I am not able to do everything I have been. I have to slow down a little. I have to stop just telling everyone I'm okay when I'm really not. I have to stop pushing myself as hard. I have to take some of the help that my wonderful friends and family are offering. That's hard. I'm a lot more fatigued than I have been with previous treatments and a still experiencing the bone pain. I'm having some other issues which I will call "digestive issues' and will spare you the TMI version. LOL
Vicki has been here the last week! I am so glad to see her. We are all. Lucas is on spring break so she has been taking care of him while Mark and I work. They have had a great time together. She has also helped me a great deal just by fixing dinner and doing some stuff around the house. It has given me a chance to relax a little. We really haven't done anything super exciting...just hanging at home, but it has been a great visit!
Treatment #6 out of 12 was today...I am halfway done with chemo!
Today's treatment was much better. To start off, I am back on Wednedays so I got to sit with my friend, Kathy. This gives me some good company. I also met a gentleman named Frank today, and had a good conversation with him about food and world travel. My mom brought me sandwich from Jersey Mike's for lunch and hung out with us for a little while! My port worked fine. I was out of there by 2:30! I came home and took a very long nap and then tonight we enjoyed a fire on the lanai, roasted marshmellows and made s'mores! It was nice and chilly out and the fire felt good!
Now I'm awake...normal for a chemo night. I think it is from steroids that are in my medcine. So, I'm cactching up on TV and my blog.
I know this entry is about the bad stuff that I've experienced over the last two weeks,but it feels good to vent. The point of this blog is to inform friends and family about how I am doing so I am being honest. I had a few minutes of tear the last week or so just out frustration with my body, but that's okay. Sometims you have got to just get it out... I'm hoping this round will be easier than last, but I can handle it no matter what. I promise myself to ask for more help from this point on and rest a little more when I need it.
The chemo brain has gotten bad...my memory sucks. I forget things mid sentence sometimes! It is driving me crazy!!
Tomorrow I go for my Neulasta shot. This is the shot that helps me produce white blood cells...and causes the stupid bone pain.
Tomorrow would also be my dad's 70th birthday were he still here with us. I can't even imagine.
'night all
Friday, March 8, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: 1/3 of the Way Through and Being Bald Isn't So Bad...
The Purple Tattoo: 1/3 of the Way Through and Being Bald Isn't So Bad...: Well, last week I had my fourth treatment. I am oficially one third of the way done! Hooray! It's time again for pulmonary function t...
1/3 of the Way Through and Being Bald Isn't So Bad
Well, last week I had my fourth treatment. I am oficially one third of the way done! Hooray! It's time again for pulmonary function tests to make sure the chemo is not affecting my lungs too much.
I am finally bald. My hair started falling out after my second treatment. Strand by strand, not too bad. After my third treatment it started coming out in handfuls. It was disgusting...hair everywhere...in my food while I was eating, EVERYWHERE. Sooooo... I decided to just go ahead and shave it off. It's gone!
I have worn my wig to work...but really nowhere else. It's not that comfy. I've worn scarves and hats with my "hat hair" which is kind of like half a wig so you can wear hats comfortably. But mostly, once I get home I am just bald.
Everyone is fine with it. I had explained it to Lucas before it happened and he even went with me when I got my head shaved. It was no big deal to him. Mark is used to it...I think he even thinks it is weird to see me with my wig on because he is used to me not having hair!
Before it happened it was the worst thing I could imagine. I cried all the way to my mom's house on the Sunday morning I was having it shaved. I cried in the chair before Wade shaved it. But once he started, it was OKAY...and by the time he was done I was fine. It was much worse imagining it happening than the reality. So, I'm bald. So what. It's not like it's a haircut that went bad...it's not like I shaved my head because I thought it would be cool and then ended up looking really bad as a bald chic. I have cancer...chemo has made my hair fall out. Oh well. Not much I can do about it other than accept and go on with life. I'm bald...I'm fine. It's no big deal really. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not running all over town bare-headed. I'm covering it up because I am more comfortable that way...but nonetheless, I am fine with it! When you see pictures of cancer patients you think you could never survive...that losing your hair would be the end of you. I PROMISE YOU IF IT EVER HAPPENS IT WILL NOT...YOU WILL BE FINE!
The first day in my wig Lucas and I went to McDonald's. I kept looking around to see if people were staring at me or looking at me and then touching their hair. They didn't. I don't think people know it's a wig at all. I've actually gotten compliments from people who don't know that I have cancer.
I've been feeling okay. My normal state is TIRED, that's how it's going to be. The bone pain continues, but I'm better at managing the pain. I'm working fairly normal hours and being productive. Life continues to be good. I have good days and bad days...I am exhausted by the end of every day and cannot wait to go to bed, but who isn't? LOL I try to stay positive and live my life as I normally would... just at a slower pace most of the time.
Lately A LOT, and I mean A LOT of people have been telling me that I look really good, that I am glowing. I think this is because the medicine is working and a lot of the cancer is gone. I imagine that my color probably wasn't good before and we didn't even realize it. I had to have had cancer for quite some time based on the itching I had for two years prior to my diagnosis and due to the number of infected lymph nodes.
Other news...
It's baseball season here in SWFL. Mark is coaching Lucas' team again, we are The Cubs! We have a great group of kids and parents which makes it even more fun than usual!!
I bought a new car this week. Nothing fancy. Got a Kia Optima EX. Love it!
I am loving my new role at Gartner. I work with a great group of people and enjoy going to work again!
We have company coming the 15th-18th! Can't wait to see the Davidson Family!! I have chemo this week so I hope I am feeling up to hanging with them...I'll do my best! Going to be different than our normal spring visits with them...but still tons of fun! We might manage to squeeze a trip up to Orlando to see them again before they go back to IL. Grandma with the White Dog is then coming the 21st. She will get lots of good Grandma time in as she is going to babysit while Lucas is on spring break so we can go to work as normal! They are both going to love having all those days together to have fun!!
I am still thankful for all the friends and family who have been sending well-wishes, cards, letters, little care packages. You must all know that I realize how blessed I am to have you all in my life. When this episode is said and done I will defintely spend the rest of my healthy life paying it all forward!
I am finally bald. My hair started falling out after my second treatment. Strand by strand, not too bad. After my third treatment it started coming out in handfuls. It was disgusting...hair everywhere...in my food while I was eating, EVERYWHERE. Sooooo... I decided to just go ahead and shave it off. It's gone!
I have worn my wig to work...but really nowhere else. It's not that comfy. I've worn scarves and hats with my "hat hair" which is kind of like half a wig so you can wear hats comfortably. But mostly, once I get home I am just bald.
Everyone is fine with it. I had explained it to Lucas before it happened and he even went with me when I got my head shaved. It was no big deal to him. Mark is used to it...I think he even thinks it is weird to see me with my wig on because he is used to me not having hair!
Before it happened it was the worst thing I could imagine. I cried all the way to my mom's house on the Sunday morning I was having it shaved. I cried in the chair before Wade shaved it. But once he started, it was OKAY...and by the time he was done I was fine. It was much worse imagining it happening than the reality. So, I'm bald. So what. It's not like it's a haircut that went bad...it's not like I shaved my head because I thought it would be cool and then ended up looking really bad as a bald chic. I have cancer...chemo has made my hair fall out. Oh well. Not much I can do about it other than accept and go on with life. I'm bald...I'm fine. It's no big deal really. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not running all over town bare-headed. I'm covering it up because I am more comfortable that way...but nonetheless, I am fine with it! When you see pictures of cancer patients you think you could never survive...that losing your hair would be the end of you. I PROMISE YOU IF IT EVER HAPPENS IT WILL NOT...YOU WILL BE FINE!
The first day in my wig Lucas and I went to McDonald's. I kept looking around to see if people were staring at me or looking at me and then touching their hair. They didn't. I don't think people know it's a wig at all. I've actually gotten compliments from people who don't know that I have cancer.
I've been feeling okay. My normal state is TIRED, that's how it's going to be. The bone pain continues, but I'm better at managing the pain. I'm working fairly normal hours and being productive. Life continues to be good. I have good days and bad days...I am exhausted by the end of every day and cannot wait to go to bed, but who isn't? LOL I try to stay positive and live my life as I normally would... just at a slower pace most of the time.
Lately A LOT, and I mean A LOT of people have been telling me that I look really good, that I am glowing. I think this is because the medicine is working and a lot of the cancer is gone. I imagine that my color probably wasn't good before and we didn't even realize it. I had to have had cancer for quite some time based on the itching I had for two years prior to my diagnosis and due to the number of infected lymph nodes.
Other news...
It's baseball season here in SWFL. Mark is coaching Lucas' team again, we are The Cubs! We have a great group of kids and parents which makes it even more fun than usual!!
I bought a new car this week. Nothing fancy. Got a Kia Optima EX. Love it!
I am loving my new role at Gartner. I work with a great group of people and enjoy going to work again!
We have company coming the 15th-18th! Can't wait to see the Davidson Family!! I have chemo this week so I hope I am feeling up to hanging with them...I'll do my best! Going to be different than our normal spring visits with them...but still tons of fun! We might manage to squeeze a trip up to Orlando to see them again before they go back to IL. Grandma with the White Dog is then coming the 21st. She will get lots of good Grandma time in as she is going to babysit while Lucas is on spring break so we can go to work as normal! They are both going to love having all those days together to have fun!!
I am still thankful for all the friends and family who have been sending well-wishes, cards, letters, little care packages. You must all know that I realize how blessed I am to have you all in my life. When this episode is said and done I will defintely spend the rest of my healthy life paying it all forward!
Friday, February 8, 2013
The New Normal
I've been a little out of touch lately. I can say that this is the first week I really feel like I am sick, I feel like I imagined a person with cancer would feel. This week I have moved into my "new normal" I think. The land of sheer exhaustion, mouth pain, hot flashes, and hair loss.
I have had my second treatment. I was actually supposed to have it on the 30th, but when I went in my white blood cell counts had dropped very low and they said it would be too dangerous to give me chemo. That day I started receiving shots that would help my body start producing white blood cells. They told me the shots may cause bone pain. hahaha...the shots DEFINTELY cause bone pain which is unlike anything I have ever experienced. To steal a description from someone else, imagine having your bones smashed with a sledgehammer. Yep, that's pretty much it! I went back in on Friday, the 1st and my counts were good so I was able to have my second chemo treatment. It went well, much easier now that I have the port and we can use that instead of having to go through the veins in my right arm. It was also decided that I would go in on Saturday for hydration (saline) and I would now start getting a shot of Neulasta after every chemo treatment. This is a shot that helps your body make those white blood cells. It also causes bone pain. Bone pain sucks!
The first two days after chemo I felt pretty good. I was scheduled to start a new role at Gartner on the first and of course I had to put off my first day until Monday. Monday the side effects started to hit. This time I have been extremely tired, no not even tired, fatigued and just plain exhausted! My mouth started to hurt again just like last time. It is the strangest kind of pain and I cannot explain it other to say that it feels like all the nerves in my mouth, tongue and neck have been turned up to super-sensitive. Even water burns. I have however, kept up working. I've had to change my pace a little. I go home at lunch and lie down for about 45 minutes. I am able to leave a little early if needed and can go home and rest before dinner, bath time, bedtime, etc. Still trying to do the same stuff, just at a different pace.
Also on Monday, my hair started to fall out. It's just coming out in strands, not clumps. But it is definitely thinning. My wig is all trimmed up and ready to go. I will have to make the decision very soon about when to just take the bull by the horns and shave my head. This is the most disturbing part of cancer so far. It is the only thing I have cried over...losing my hair. It's going to be a very difficult day the first day I wear my wig to work...or just out in public.
While this has been a difficult week for me there have also been some good moments.
I started my new job within Gartner which is a super-good thing! I am happy to be working in a new business unit with old friends and a bunch of new friends as well. Everyone up here on the third floor are very friendly and have made me feel part of the team already! I am thankful for this new postion. It gives me something new to focus on in an environment where I feel very comfortable and extremely supported!
I have also been very humbled by the kindness of others this week. I am lucky to have such a great support group around me during this difficult time. This includes friends from both near and far. My Florida friends and neighbors have been amazing offering help of all sorts. I am also floored by the kindness and generosity of my friends from back home. You love and support means the world to me and on bad days it really does help get me through! You have no idea how much just a little, "Hello, I was just thinking about you" can make a difference in my day! XOXO
More good news, Mark is starting his new job on Monday. That didn't take long! He will be working for Creative Door as a project manager. He is excited about this new opportunity and I am happy for him! He didn't get a very long break between jobs...nor did he get a very long honey-do list! LOL!! He's been busy taking care of Lucas and I! Lucas is bummed that his dad is going back to work...he likes being parent pick up after school. Now he will have to go back to After Care! LOL! The kid cracks me up!
I have had my second treatment. I was actually supposed to have it on the 30th, but when I went in my white blood cell counts had dropped very low and they said it would be too dangerous to give me chemo. That day I started receiving shots that would help my body start producing white blood cells. They told me the shots may cause bone pain. hahaha...the shots DEFINTELY cause bone pain which is unlike anything I have ever experienced. To steal a description from someone else, imagine having your bones smashed with a sledgehammer. Yep, that's pretty much it! I went back in on Friday, the 1st and my counts were good so I was able to have my second chemo treatment. It went well, much easier now that I have the port and we can use that instead of having to go through the veins in my right arm. It was also decided that I would go in on Saturday for hydration (saline) and I would now start getting a shot of Neulasta after every chemo treatment. This is a shot that helps your body make those white blood cells. It also causes bone pain. Bone pain sucks!
The first two days after chemo I felt pretty good. I was scheduled to start a new role at Gartner on the first and of course I had to put off my first day until Monday. Monday the side effects started to hit. This time I have been extremely tired, no not even tired, fatigued and just plain exhausted! My mouth started to hurt again just like last time. It is the strangest kind of pain and I cannot explain it other to say that it feels like all the nerves in my mouth, tongue and neck have been turned up to super-sensitive. Even water burns. I have however, kept up working. I've had to change my pace a little. I go home at lunch and lie down for about 45 minutes. I am able to leave a little early if needed and can go home and rest before dinner, bath time, bedtime, etc. Still trying to do the same stuff, just at a different pace.
Also on Monday, my hair started to fall out. It's just coming out in strands, not clumps. But it is definitely thinning. My wig is all trimmed up and ready to go. I will have to make the decision very soon about when to just take the bull by the horns and shave my head. This is the most disturbing part of cancer so far. It is the only thing I have cried over...losing my hair. It's going to be a very difficult day the first day I wear my wig to work...or just out in public.
While this has been a difficult week for me there have also been some good moments.
I started my new job within Gartner which is a super-good thing! I am happy to be working in a new business unit with old friends and a bunch of new friends as well. Everyone up here on the third floor are very friendly and have made me feel part of the team already! I am thankful for this new postion. It gives me something new to focus on in an environment where I feel very comfortable and extremely supported!
I have also been very humbled by the kindness of others this week. I am lucky to have such a great support group around me during this difficult time. This includes friends from both near and far. My Florida friends and neighbors have been amazing offering help of all sorts. I am also floored by the kindness and generosity of my friends from back home. You love and support means the world to me and on bad days it really does help get me through! You have no idea how much just a little, "Hello, I was just thinking about you" can make a difference in my day! XOXO
More good news, Mark is starting his new job on Monday. That didn't take long! He will be working for Creative Door as a project manager. He is excited about this new opportunity and I am happy for him! He didn't get a very long break between jobs...nor did he get a very long honey-do list! LOL!! He's been busy taking care of Lucas and I! Lucas is bummed that his dad is going back to work...he likes being parent pick up after school. Now he will have to go back to After Care! LOL! The kid cracks me up!
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