Wednesday, May 15, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: Good News and More
The Purple Tattoo: Good News and More: Well, it has been too long since I last updated, but honestly I've just been sick of cancer and haven't felt like writing about it....
Good News and More
Well, it has been too long since I last updated, but honestly I've just been sick of cancer and haven't felt like writing about it. I do, however have lots to share.
I have complete treatment number 9 of 12! Only 3 more to go and I am DONE with chemo! Looking forward to that very last day more than you can imagine! Cannot wait to ring that bell at FCS!
After treatment number 8 I had PET and CT scans done. They were GREAT! All of the lymph nodes that showed active cancer in my first scans have shrunk in size, the tumor in my left lung is completely GONE and the PET scan did not show active cancer ANYWHERE! Nothing lit up! The chemo is working it's magic! This was amazing news. It was so stressful going through all of these treatments having no idea whether or not the chemo was working and killing the cancer. I feel so relieved to know that it indeed is working like they expected. I now feel like, "I CAN DO THIS," and am a little rejuvenated mentally by this news. Cancer is not only hard on the body, it's hard on the mind as well. While I have tried hard not to let it get the best of me or really show the world how scary it has been, it has weighted on my mind every second of every day. I have lived in fear that I would have these scans done and the cancer would still be there and I would be looking at "now what?" I am very aware of how fortunate I am to have these results...I am very aware that I am fortunate to be able to start looking at life after cancer.
Lung damage...the pulmonologist says the scans show no permanent damage, just inflammation in the right lung. We have opted to leave it alone for now with the hopes that it will heal as my body gets stronger. I will have pulmonary function tests and scans repeated once I finish chemo. More good news!
Side effects are the same, tired beyond belief and weak. Hot flashes SUCK...to all my girlfriends out there, GET READY! Hot flash is not an adequate name...I have seen every hour around the clock for almost a month because I wake up sweating every 60-90 minutes. I could literally wring out my clothes. They happen around the clock awake or asleep and I will say it again, THEY SUCK!
We have had some visitors. Randy came to visit Mark and help us celebrate his 45th birthday! They guys had a fun weekend of golf and beer and as a bonus they took Lucas to his first Cubs game! They went to see the Cubs play Miami and had a great time. It was good to see him and we all wish he would visit more often!
My dear friend Jacki also came to visit. It was fabulous to spend time with her and just hang out and be normal. We shopped, went out for lunch and enjoyed a little bit of time outside next to the water enjoying a couple of frozen cocktails. It means the world to me that she came to spend some time with me! The best thing about "old" friends is that you don't have to pretend...they just know and it's okay to just be yourself. We got to celebrate my good news as it came just before she arrived. I'm hoping she and her family will all come on a trip soon when I am healthy and we can have even more fun!
The last months have been quite the journey for me. I have learned a lot about myself as well as other people. I am always amazed at the stories shared with me about how cancer has affected people or their friends and family. I'm realizing that I won't come out of this the same person that I was before this diagnosis. Hopefully, I'm coming out of this a better, stronger person. I can say that before this I thought having cancer would be just horrible...and it is, BUT I've come through it better than I could have ever imagined. Previously I would have thought it would break me, send me to bed to never come out, but I have managed to stay strong, maintain as normal a life as possible, go to work, etc. If I can do this, survive THIS...I'm thinking I can do just about anything!
I have complete treatment number 9 of 12! Only 3 more to go and I am DONE with chemo! Looking forward to that very last day more than you can imagine! Cannot wait to ring that bell at FCS!
After treatment number 8 I had PET and CT scans done. They were GREAT! All of the lymph nodes that showed active cancer in my first scans have shrunk in size, the tumor in my left lung is completely GONE and the PET scan did not show active cancer ANYWHERE! Nothing lit up! The chemo is working it's magic! This was amazing news. It was so stressful going through all of these treatments having no idea whether or not the chemo was working and killing the cancer. I feel so relieved to know that it indeed is working like they expected. I now feel like, "I CAN DO THIS," and am a little rejuvenated mentally by this news. Cancer is not only hard on the body, it's hard on the mind as well. While I have tried hard not to let it get the best of me or really show the world how scary it has been, it has weighted on my mind every second of every day. I have lived in fear that I would have these scans done and the cancer would still be there and I would be looking at "now what?" I am very aware of how fortunate I am to have these results...I am very aware that I am fortunate to be able to start looking at life after cancer.
Lung damage...the pulmonologist says the scans show no permanent damage, just inflammation in the right lung. We have opted to leave it alone for now with the hopes that it will heal as my body gets stronger. I will have pulmonary function tests and scans repeated once I finish chemo. More good news!
Side effects are the same, tired beyond belief and weak. Hot flashes SUCK...to all my girlfriends out there, GET READY! Hot flash is not an adequate name...I have seen every hour around the clock for almost a month because I wake up sweating every 60-90 minutes. I could literally wring out my clothes. They happen around the clock awake or asleep and I will say it again, THEY SUCK!
We have had some visitors. Randy came to visit Mark and help us celebrate his 45th birthday! They guys had a fun weekend of golf and beer and as a bonus they took Lucas to his first Cubs game! They went to see the Cubs play Miami and had a great time. It was good to see him and we all wish he would visit more often!
My dear friend Jacki also came to visit. It was fabulous to spend time with her and just hang out and be normal. We shopped, went out for lunch and enjoyed a little bit of time outside next to the water enjoying a couple of frozen cocktails. It means the world to me that she came to spend some time with me! The best thing about "old" friends is that you don't have to pretend...they just know and it's okay to just be yourself. We got to celebrate my good news as it came just before she arrived. I'm hoping she and her family will all come on a trip soon when I am healthy and we can have even more fun!
The last months have been quite the journey for me. I have learned a lot about myself as well as other people. I am always amazed at the stories shared with me about how cancer has affected people or their friends and family. I'm realizing that I won't come out of this the same person that I was before this diagnosis. Hopefully, I'm coming out of this a better, stronger person. I can say that before this I thought having cancer would be just horrible...and it is, BUT I've come through it better than I could have ever imagined. Previously I would have thought it would break me, send me to bed to never come out, but I have managed to stay strong, maintain as normal a life as possible, go to work, etc. If I can do this, survive THIS...I'm thinking I can do just about anything!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: Changing the Definition of Good
The Purple Tattoo: Changing the Definition of Good: Well, I have completed chemo treatment #7. 5 more to go! I will be honest and say that it's getting harder and harder. I'm getti...
Changing the Definition of Good
Well, I have completed chemo treatment #7. 5 more to go!
I will be honest and say that it's getting harder and harder. I'm getting more tired every time. I have now learned that I just need to give in and let my body rest, which isn't that easy! Mark has been fabulous and while I know it must be frustrating for him to have to do so much more than usual because I just CAN'T, he has done well. He is spending a lot of time with Lucas and that means a lot to me. I don't want Lucas to feel like he is missing out on things because I am sick. Mark has had to take over a lot of housework as well as a lot of parenting. I know this isn't easy on him. He has to worry about Lucas and me and do extra work...no fun being the caretaker. I don't think we often give these people enough credit.
I've had some additional side effects kick in, the most annoying one right now is chemo-induced menopause. This means HOT FLASHES! Oh. My. God. These things are brutal. The come every few hours 24 hours a day. I haven't slept for more than two hours straight in about week. It sucks! I never believed how bad they could really be (lots of women have told me about them) until I experienced one. It is like someone just lit a furnace in the core of my body and it goes right up out the top of my head. It is heat like I have never experienced before. It is being soaked with sweat in less than a minute. I'm wondering now if I am going to have to do this again in another 5-10 years or so when the real thing sets in or if this will be IT...
I have been to see the pulmonologist about my lungs. The coughing can be very debilitating. It exhausts me as it sometimes goes on for an hour or so. The doctor believes the coughing, etc. is from chemo-induced lung damage from the bleomycin. They took me off the bleo after treatment 4 due to my pulmonary function tests. I am now undergoing more tests. Today I had more PFT's and in the next week I will have PET and CT scans. This is good and REALLY scary all at the same time. I am terrified that the PET scan will show that the cancer is not gone, but at the same time I am looking forward to it because the doctor believes it will show just the opposite! Anyways, after the tests are all completed and I go back to the pulmonologist to see what we will do. My options are :
1. Do nothing - give it some time, monitor it and see if it gets better
2. Oral Steroids
3. Bronchoscopy
It could get better, it could stay the same, it could continue to get worse. Not exactly what I consider "good" news, but at least we are looking into it. In the meantime they have given me an inhaler to use throughout the day.
I am also going to go see a gastroenterologist. I won't go into details here...there is such a thing as TMI. We'll just say there is some "damage" here as well. Just know it's another "NO FUN"! LOL
My friend, Kathy, whom I met at chemo is having her last treatment next Wednesday! I am so happy for her! I can't wait to see her ring that bell and walk out the door! I wish her continued healing and good health! I get teary-eyed just thinking about it...I can't wait until the day when we can celebrate being cancer-free together!
All in all I still think I am doing well. I have had to change my definition of "good." It isn't what it once was. Good now means I'm tired but not EXHAUSTED. I'm up and doing things, not stuck in bed. In a few months it will change back to the old kind of "good," but for now it is what it is. I've had a few meltdowns lately...it's tough mentally to admit that I have to slow down and that I can't continue to be "normal." It sucks to admit that I finally feel llike I have cancer!
I have some exciting visitors coming over the next few weeks! The first will be Mark's brother, Randy. He will be coming for Mark's birthday. They are going to drive Lucas over to Miami for his first REAl MLB game (not spring training). Fortunately, his first MLB game will be to see the Cubs. Not at Wrigley...but that day will come soon!
Thank you all for your continued support. The FB posts, emails, cards, gifts all bring a smile to my face. It is amazing the stories I have heard from friends about how their lives or friends and family have been affected by cancer. The things you never know... I am a lucky woman to have so many people thinking of and praying for me. XOXO
I will be honest and say that it's getting harder and harder. I'm getting more tired every time. I have now learned that I just need to give in and let my body rest, which isn't that easy! Mark has been fabulous and while I know it must be frustrating for him to have to do so much more than usual because I just CAN'T, he has done well. He is spending a lot of time with Lucas and that means a lot to me. I don't want Lucas to feel like he is missing out on things because I am sick. Mark has had to take over a lot of housework as well as a lot of parenting. I know this isn't easy on him. He has to worry about Lucas and me and do extra work...no fun being the caretaker. I don't think we often give these people enough credit.
I've had some additional side effects kick in, the most annoying one right now is chemo-induced menopause. This means HOT FLASHES! Oh. My. God. These things are brutal. The come every few hours 24 hours a day. I haven't slept for more than two hours straight in about week. It sucks! I never believed how bad they could really be (lots of women have told me about them) until I experienced one. It is like someone just lit a furnace in the core of my body and it goes right up out the top of my head. It is heat like I have never experienced before. It is being soaked with sweat in less than a minute. I'm wondering now if I am going to have to do this again in another 5-10 years or so when the real thing sets in or if this will be IT...
I have been to see the pulmonologist about my lungs. The coughing can be very debilitating. It exhausts me as it sometimes goes on for an hour or so. The doctor believes the coughing, etc. is from chemo-induced lung damage from the bleomycin. They took me off the bleo after treatment 4 due to my pulmonary function tests. I am now undergoing more tests. Today I had more PFT's and in the next week I will have PET and CT scans. This is good and REALLY scary all at the same time. I am terrified that the PET scan will show that the cancer is not gone, but at the same time I am looking forward to it because the doctor believes it will show just the opposite! Anyways, after the tests are all completed and I go back to the pulmonologist to see what we will do. My options are :
1. Do nothing - give it some time, monitor it and see if it gets better
2. Oral Steroids
3. Bronchoscopy
It could get better, it could stay the same, it could continue to get worse. Not exactly what I consider "good" news, but at least we are looking into it. In the meantime they have given me an inhaler to use throughout the day.
I am also going to go see a gastroenterologist. I won't go into details here...there is such a thing as TMI. We'll just say there is some "damage" here as well. Just know it's another "NO FUN"! LOL
My friend, Kathy, whom I met at chemo is having her last treatment next Wednesday! I am so happy for her! I can't wait to see her ring that bell and walk out the door! I wish her continued healing and good health! I get teary-eyed just thinking about it...I can't wait until the day when we can celebrate being cancer-free together!
All in all I still think I am doing well. I have had to change my definition of "good." It isn't what it once was. Good now means I'm tired but not EXHAUSTED. I'm up and doing things, not stuck in bed. In a few months it will change back to the old kind of "good," but for now it is what it is. I've had a few meltdowns lately...it's tough mentally to admit that I have to slow down and that I can't continue to be "normal." It sucks to admit that I finally feel llike I have cancer!
I have some exciting visitors coming over the next few weeks! The first will be Mark's brother, Randy. He will be coming for Mark's birthday. They are going to drive Lucas over to Miami for his first REAl MLB game (not spring training). Fortunately, his first MLB game will be to see the Cubs. Not at Wrigley...but that day will come soon!
Thank you all for your continued support. The FB posts, emails, cards, gifts all bring a smile to my face. It is amazing the stories I have heard from friends about how their lives or friends and family have been affected by cancer. The things you never know... I am a lucky woman to have so many people thinking of and praying for me. XOXO
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: Halfway There
The Purple Tattoo: Halfway There: Well, today was treatment number 6. I am halfway done with chemotherapy! My fifth treatment was a long one. It started out with news fro...
Halfway There
Well, today was treatment number 6. I am halfway done with chemotherapy!
My fifth treatment was a long one. It started out with news from the doctor that my latest pulmonary function tests show some damage. Due to this he has taken me off one of my chemo drugs, bleomycin. At this point he said the damage outweighs the benefit. It does NOT change his prognosis for my being cancer free at the end of treatment. They may add it back in at a later date. I am glad he is precaucious, but I can't lie...taking the drug out scares me. The cure is ABVD, not AVD! With this damage I have developed "chemo cough" and can definitely feel the difference. No more stairs for me, if I use them I cough for a good hour! Not fun!
After the news about my lungs I went to chemo. For the third treatment in a row I had this strange sensation and started coughing. The nurses feared that my port was leaking so we stopped using it and did the treatment through my arm. I had to go have a dye study done on my port and luckily it proved to be working pefectly! The cough is just my new thing, I guess. Had the port been leaking that would have meant another surgery, so this was very good news.
The weekend after treatement #5 the Davidson's came to visit us. Even in the aftermath of treament I enjoyed them being here, even if I could not fully partcipate! It was good to have our families together!
The two weeks between 5 and 6 were rough. I really only had 1 really good day. That was really frustratin to me. I have had to admit that I am not able to do everything I have been. I have to slow down a little. I have to stop just telling everyone I'm okay when I'm really not. I have to stop pushing myself as hard. I have to take some of the help that my wonderful friends and family are offering. That's hard. I'm a lot more fatigued than I have been with previous treatments and a still experiencing the bone pain. I'm having some other issues which I will call "digestive issues' and will spare you the TMI version. LOL
Vicki has been here the last week! I am so glad to see her. We are all. Lucas is on spring break so she has been taking care of him while Mark and I work. They have had a great time together. She has also helped me a great deal just by fixing dinner and doing some stuff around the house. It has given me a chance to relax a little. We really haven't done anything super exciting...just hanging at home, but it has been a great visit!
Treatment #6 out of 12 was today...I am halfway done with chemo!
Today's treatment was much better. To start off, I am back on Wednedays so I got to sit with my friend, Kathy. This gives me some good company. I also met a gentleman named Frank today, and had a good conversation with him about food and world travel. My mom brought me sandwich from Jersey Mike's for lunch and hung out with us for a little while! My port worked fine. I was out of there by 2:30! I came home and took a very long nap and then tonight we enjoyed a fire on the lanai, roasted marshmellows and made s'mores! It was nice and chilly out and the fire felt good!
Now I'm awake...normal for a chemo night. I think it is from steroids that are in my medcine. So, I'm cactching up on TV and my blog.
I know this entry is about the bad stuff that I've experienced over the last two weeks,but it feels good to vent. The point of this blog is to inform friends and family about how I am doing so I am being honest. I had a few minutes of tear the last week or so just out frustration with my body, but that's okay. Sometims you have got to just get it out... I'm hoping this round will be easier than last, but I can handle it no matter what. I promise myself to ask for more help from this point on and rest a little more when I need it.
The chemo brain has gotten bad...my memory sucks. I forget things mid sentence sometimes! It is driving me crazy!!
Tomorrow I go for my Neulasta shot. This is the shot that helps me produce white blood cells...and causes the stupid bone pain.
Tomorrow would also be my dad's 70th birthday were he still here with us. I can't even imagine.
'night all
My fifth treatment was a long one. It started out with news from the doctor that my latest pulmonary function tests show some damage. Due to this he has taken me off one of my chemo drugs, bleomycin. At this point he said the damage outweighs the benefit. It does NOT change his prognosis for my being cancer free at the end of treatment. They may add it back in at a later date. I am glad he is precaucious, but I can't lie...taking the drug out scares me. The cure is ABVD, not AVD! With this damage I have developed "chemo cough" and can definitely feel the difference. No more stairs for me, if I use them I cough for a good hour! Not fun!
After the news about my lungs I went to chemo. For the third treatment in a row I had this strange sensation and started coughing. The nurses feared that my port was leaking so we stopped using it and did the treatment through my arm. I had to go have a dye study done on my port and luckily it proved to be working pefectly! The cough is just my new thing, I guess. Had the port been leaking that would have meant another surgery, so this was very good news.
The weekend after treatement #5 the Davidson's came to visit us. Even in the aftermath of treament I enjoyed them being here, even if I could not fully partcipate! It was good to have our families together!
The two weeks between 5 and 6 were rough. I really only had 1 really good day. That was really frustratin to me. I have had to admit that I am not able to do everything I have been. I have to slow down a little. I have to stop just telling everyone I'm okay when I'm really not. I have to stop pushing myself as hard. I have to take some of the help that my wonderful friends and family are offering. That's hard. I'm a lot more fatigued than I have been with previous treatments and a still experiencing the bone pain. I'm having some other issues which I will call "digestive issues' and will spare you the TMI version. LOL
Vicki has been here the last week! I am so glad to see her. We are all. Lucas is on spring break so she has been taking care of him while Mark and I work. They have had a great time together. She has also helped me a great deal just by fixing dinner and doing some stuff around the house. It has given me a chance to relax a little. We really haven't done anything super exciting...just hanging at home, but it has been a great visit!
Treatment #6 out of 12 was today...I am halfway done with chemo!
Today's treatment was much better. To start off, I am back on Wednedays so I got to sit with my friend, Kathy. This gives me some good company. I also met a gentleman named Frank today, and had a good conversation with him about food and world travel. My mom brought me sandwich from Jersey Mike's for lunch and hung out with us for a little while! My port worked fine. I was out of there by 2:30! I came home and took a very long nap and then tonight we enjoyed a fire on the lanai, roasted marshmellows and made s'mores! It was nice and chilly out and the fire felt good!
Now I'm awake...normal for a chemo night. I think it is from steroids that are in my medcine. So, I'm cactching up on TV and my blog.
I know this entry is about the bad stuff that I've experienced over the last two weeks,but it feels good to vent. The point of this blog is to inform friends and family about how I am doing so I am being honest. I had a few minutes of tear the last week or so just out frustration with my body, but that's okay. Sometims you have got to just get it out... I'm hoping this round will be easier than last, but I can handle it no matter what. I promise myself to ask for more help from this point on and rest a little more when I need it.
The chemo brain has gotten bad...my memory sucks. I forget things mid sentence sometimes! It is driving me crazy!!
Tomorrow I go for my Neulasta shot. This is the shot that helps me produce white blood cells...and causes the stupid bone pain.
Tomorrow would also be my dad's 70th birthday were he still here with us. I can't even imagine.
'night all
Friday, March 8, 2013
The Purple Tattoo: 1/3 of the Way Through and Being Bald Isn't So Bad...
The Purple Tattoo: 1/3 of the Way Through and Being Bald Isn't So Bad...: Well, last week I had my fourth treatment. I am oficially one third of the way done! Hooray! It's time again for pulmonary function t...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)